How to Do Holidays like a Boss!

Let me set the stage for two scenes.

Scene 1: The dinner table is laden with food. Mum's getting the roast out of the oven. She's yelling for someone to help. Dad has poured himself yet another whiskey. Sister is draped over the arm of the latest has-been and shouts at you to go help.  You came alone and don't have anyone to entertain anyway. Brother laughs and tells a funny story about a childhood exploit involving you two and he was victor (of course). Funny to everyone except you, that is. Some dubious guest whose name you didn't quite catch is droning away about her job. Her bratty 6 year old is taking sly potshots at your ear with a sling toy. The decor is garish, the music is tinny, the wine cheap.  You wish you could be anywhere but here. But would die of guilt for ditching the "family" on "(insert holiday here) Day"!

Scene 2: You wake up at 6am, as usual.  Hmm..no newspaper, put the coffee machine on, put food in the dog bowl, switch on the TV for the news while you get ready to walk the dog.  Realize it is "(insert holiday here) Day"! Oh no!  Your mind immediately goes back to yester-years.  Your unhappiness with the new boss, the crazy divorce, the friends who had to choose sides, the teenage kids who want, want, want from you and then disappear once they get 'it'. Few family and a dwindling set of boozy friends sending you pity invites. You decline with some feeble excuse.  Your feelings are too raw to deal with probing questions. Now what? The holiday stretches ahead like an endless tunnel. Isn't everyone with family having a wonderful time like the ads on TV.  You are a good person.  You don't deserve this.  Down the rabbit hole you go chasing one negative thought after another...

How to do Holidays like a Boss!!​

1. Be Kind to yourself - ask for help. Rope in kids, family, friends to participate, share or take over tasks, decorating, shopping, cooking, companionship or a safe place to hide from the bustle for a while.
2. Be Kind to yourself - stick to your usual routine as much as possible.  It will give you a sense of normalcy. Instead of a workout at the gym, go for a before or an after dinner walk.
3. Be Kind to yourself - don't feel guilty for putting you first. Just say no to whatever makes you uncomfortable.  Pretend to be a toddler. Have fun with it.  Enjoy everyone else squirming for once. This is your holiday gift to yourself.
4. Be Kind to yourself - progress not perfection is what we are striving for.
5. Be Kind to yourself - safe conversation topics. Prepare a list of 3 topics you can talk about that have no emotional baggage. Change any conversation you do not want to talk about to the three on your list. Repeat if needed. You think you may look silly...who cares...everyone's talking gibberish anyway.  This way you will not feel self-conscious and afterward go crazy dissecting conversations over again in your head.
6. Be Kind to yourself - shields-up for rudeness.  Respond to rude people with a "hmm..interesting..." and then either promptly go back to point number 5 or excuse yourself and walk away murmuring something about hearing your name being called. 
7. Be Kind to yourself - choose moderation in eating, drinking, relationships, etc. Overindulgence only makes the pain go away temporarily.  It comes back with a vengeance, twice as powerful.
8. Be Kind to yourself - Stay off SOCIAL MEDIA.  This needs no elaborating. Rethink this holiday spirit thing.  It does not have to be special.  It can just be another day(s) off work. This is the day to break out the video games even if you aren't into that kind of thing.  Time passes like nobody's business and there's so much to choose from. You can play sports or race cars, focus on strategy, build a new character from scratch, fight anything, shoot deer, you name it - it is out there.  There are web based gaming sites if you don't own high-tech gaming software.  A newbie will die yes but you get another go each time.  The walk-through and game chats are so intuitive in case you get stuck.
9. Be Kind to yourself - Be in the moment.  Don't go thinking about the past.  It is just that.  Over.  Ruining this moment that you have over what you cannot change or the future over which you have no control is waste of this moment.  Be happy in what you choose to do now.
10. Be Kind to yourself - don't isolate.

• If you have the money and the inclination, book a touring trip and go. It is an opportunity to meet like-minded people or just relax and enjoy a trip where someone has done all the planning for you.
• If you are a homebody, and not in touch with family, few/no friends, new to the city, away from home for study/work - go volunteer. The elderly, children or homeless will be so much more grateful for your time and effort than most of the "party types". If actually getting out and volunteering is not your thing, there are virtual volunteering opportunities.  Just google those words for a plethora of sites just waiting for volunteers. It will do wonders for your self-esteem too.
• If volunteering doesn't work for you, shine the spot-light on yourself. Make an agenda for the day.  Take yourself out to the movies or a show, take the trouble to cook for yourself. List what you would like to eat, drink, upbeat music you want to listen to. If you are not a cook, order a whole lotta Chinese food and decorate your own buffet table.
• Think of people you can call who might also be on their own - family in managed care homes, friends who work on shifts, helplines for that equipment which did not work and you never had time to call :)).
• Think of exciting things that you could do/tackle - ones you have been putting off all year; like writing that novel or cleaning out a corner of the room/closet to make more space for a meditation area/new clothes. Curl up by the fire with your favorite beverage and a movie from your childhood that always made you laugh. Reconnect with yourself.
• This actually could be a great time to catch up on your sleep.  Sleep till noon and take more shorter snooze breaks throughout the day(s). Hey - not only are you worth it but while everyone is hungover at work, you will be daisy fresh! Just don't let others in on your secret.
• There are also support groups like Al-Anon, CODA, ADAA, etc or your local church who know that the holidays can be a tough time to get through and they take extra effort to make mentors/support available on phone or in-person at support centers. The help offered is guided by a coordinator and anonymous, non-judgmental and no personal information is required to be shared in order to participate. Don't forget to check the events section of your local rag.

Truly, once you decide to act rather than react to what life throws at you...the possibilities are endless. 

Till the new year...be well!
Cheryl