If You're Not Happy & You Know It. . .

Are you tired, stressed, numb from living life, have a dead-end job/business, searching for a mate, rearing children, chasing better health or just trying to be happy?

If you answered yes to one or more of these, it may be likely that you are trying to please someone other than yourself.

Why you do this could be rooted in the fact that as cavemen we had to be pack animals and needed to feel accepted by the herd, for survival. Or in childhood we felt a sense of safety (or lack thereof) with approval from our parents. We mistake this for love and the fear of not being able to please others becomes huge.

If we knew what made us happy we would be directly motivated to do those things. But not having a healthy sense of self makes us prone to pleasing others to get validation and hence seek indirect motivation.

When we become parents, we pass this fear on to our kids unknowingly, and thus the cycle continues.

Break out of the cycle! Work at self-esteem in these 7 areas.

1. Be present: Be mindful of whatever you do. 
2. Accept Yourself: Don't compare yourself to anyone else.  There is only one you. Improve what you can and accept what you cannot. When you fully accept yourself and that, which you cannot change, you will find innovative ways around things you cannot change. Be at peace with your pace.
3. Take responsibility for yourself: Nobody else cares! Period. Especially the ones who sympathize with you. Care for yourself, your body, what you eat, exercise, and make time for fun (within your budget). You may not think these affect your sense of self and that- it is not your fault that you have "some medical condition" - but it DOES.
4. Be true to yourself (especially under pressure): Stand up for what you feel is right and uphold it unapologetically. Leave situations where you and your feelings are not honored. Anyway, those people are not looking out for your highest good. Remember indirect validation? Of course, be socially aware of where/who you are with. You may have to handle things differently if you are, say, in office than with friends. But you still stand by your basic values.
5. Find meaning in what you do: Living with a purpose always builds self-esteem over time.
6. Your inner voice is the only one that matters: If you act in a way that is against what you believe in, your inner voice will tell you - "you are worthless", over and over again. Looking for validation? Try to not be indirectly motivated. What is your direct motivation or what you value? A good place to start is to find out what makes you overly stressed, angry, put down or depressed.
7. Let the past be in the past: Try not to mix the past with what you are trying to do in the present.

These seven areas are a practice. Working on these consistently, over time, will build self-esteem and self worth. When you value yourself, you will make good decisions and have the courage and motivation to move away from bad ones. You will not put up with toxic or vacuous people. Your healthy sense of self will attract abundance to you in health, love, wealth and life.

If you need a road-map or extra direction in building your healthy sense of self, don't hesitate to get in touch with me (send email here).

With love as always, 
Cheryl

---